Self-sabotage will sneak up on you unless you train your mind

This is the 6th post in my "Mental Strength week" series. Click here to start from the beginning.

Ever had that feeling that things are going too well and "something" is bound to happen? "Something" will bring you back to earth? Because life isn’t meant to feel this good?

...and then something does happen. Or did you somehow make it happen? Because you were waiting for it.

My last post called out our propensity to train our minds to be highly critical. Consequently, we have a strong inner critic and a weak inner cheerleader. Yet we can consciously override the inner critic to strengthen the inner cheerleader through gratitude, appreciation and praise. We do this by using our willpower and conscious minds to focus on appreciation.

There is, however, a very powerful force which can derail your conscious efforts. It can scream “no, it’s not true!” when someone offers words of kindness. It can dissuade you from taking action - “It’s okay, you don’t need to do this mental strength stuff", "you don’t even have an issue", "why do you want to be so strong anyway?” - This force is your subconscious mind and it can be quite vicious.

Why is it there? How did it become like this?

You were not born with a well-formed conscious mind. You enter this world entirely reliant on your parents, with your subconscious mind fully exposed and absorbing everything in your environment like a sponge. Your subconscious mind was observing everything around you and is now running the patterns it has seen. It's quite useful in the sense that it learns fast and minimises effort; having seen something you can repeat it without having to think and make decisions. Decisions expend a lot of energy.

As you grow up, your conscious mind develops, giving you greater ability to make decisions. Very often, however, you make decisions that are aligned with what your subconscious already believes. Because this is the 'default setting' you have inherited from your experiences, stories and interpretations so far. Big events in your childhood will often shape your outlook for the rest of your life.

By the time you're an adult, change is difficult because it often requires doing something which is the opposite of what your subconscious mind is familiar with. Interestingly, most of humanity has the deep subconscious belief that “I am not enough” which is rooted in our individual experiences. This belief drives a lot of our actions - we do things in an effort to make up for that feeling, or cover it up and hide it. What sorts of actions are these? Unfortunately, the ones where we sabotage ourselves.

Are you then doomed to be at odds with your subconscious mind forever? Or is it possible to be integrated and aligned in the belief that “I am enough”?

It is possible to re-train your subconscious mind so that it is aligned with your conscious efforts - this requires both patience and understanding. A commitment to conditioning your mind every single day and practicing kindness towards yourself in every moment is the foundation.

How do you condition your mind and communicate with it?

There are various techniques to access and re-train one's subconscious mind. My favoured technique is hypnosis, for the following reasons:

  • Hypnosis will get you into an alpha brainwave state where your conscious mind is still (as opposed to chattering) and your subconscious mind is responsive. In normal consciousness, you have a propensity to analyse what is being said rather than accept and absorb.

  • Whilst in this state, your subconscious mind takes on all of the suggestions that you allow in. Contrary to popular belief, all hypnosis is self-hypnosis. This means that only the commands which you accept will pass through to your subconscious mind. You are not actually unconscious in hypnosis and when you reject a suggestion, your listens and does nothing.

  • Your brainwaves are alpha and theta waves, which are significantly stronger than ordinary beta brainwaves. Every thought you think and every suggestion you take on has more impact on your brain.

  • I have gotten fantastic results when using it on my clients as well as when using it on myself.

Fancy trying it for yourself? Get your subconscious on your side by listening to my hypnotic lovability recording. You can get the recording from my website for free - it is ordinarily £49. The recording is designed to:

  • Give you the belief that you are enough and that you are lovable

  • Generate centred self-love, self-confidence and self-esteem thereby healing the need for external validation

  • Release self-sabotaging behaviours caused by feeling inadequate, unworthy or undeserving

I recommend listening to it daily for 30 consecutive days. Research shows that this frequency and duration powerfully kick-starts a new mental habit. You should feel large changes and can then ‘top-up’ by listening as and when you feel. 

Important to note: Whilst this recording is powerful as a standalone and will significantly impact many people, each of us have our personal stories and experiences. A lot more can be accomplished by working with a skilled hypnotist/hypnotherapist and the depths of what is possible are not known. If you want to discuss how hypnotherapy could help you, reach out to me by email at

Now what?

I invite you to...

You have nothing to lose and lots to gain.


About the author: Sukh Kalsi helps people to replace chronic stress, anxiety and depression with peak states of being. You can find his online courses at and find out how to work with him at


This article was originally published on LinkedIn

Sukh Kalsi